Different Friends, Different Mothers

by Yi Ok-young

"Bye, dear! Finish your homework when you get home from school," a working mother says to her child hurrying to her office. While another woman would help her daughter's homework after school. This kind of difference varies from one mother to another. You-jung and I have differences in the affection for children and in the mother in childhood, and chances are You-jung will have a closer relationship with her children than I.

One of the two differences between You-jung and I that might result in our becoming different mothers can be found in the fondness for the children--while You-jung has a deep affection for kids, I feel annoyed with children. When we sit next to a little boy in a bus, You-jung always looks at him with loving glances and says to me how adorable he is. She asks his mother what his name is and caresses him. On the other hand, I ignore him or complain that he is so noisy. Sometimes, I frown at him and even hit his head slightly. Like we behave differently when meeting a child in a bus, we spend a quite different time with our young cousins. You-jung, who is affectionate toward children, likes to read stories to her cousins, acting some interesting movements and trying to mimic the characters' voice. Furthermore, she helps them make toys and enjoys playing with them. In contrast to You-jung, if my cousins ask me to read books, I consider them to be so bothersome and become angry at them. Instead of reading them books, I shout at them to stay still and to be quiet for I find the noisy children pretty disturbing. Consequently, whenever I see You-jung behave so nice to children, I wonder people regard them as adorable, which might explain my distant relationship with my children than You-jung's.

Other than the dissimilarity in the affection for children, You-jung and I also have a difference with one's mother in the childhood-You-jung lived with a working mother in her childhood and I had a mother as a housewife in my childhood-which will probably affect our way of raising children. When we got home from school and felt hungry, she had to get some snacks by herself and I from my mother. Because You-jung's mother was outside home for her work, You-jung had to seek something to eat for her starving stomach by herself. She would search the refrigerator. Even sometimes she had to go to the supermarket for some food, or she had to stand the hunger until her mother came home. In contrast to You-jung's situation, whenever I came home from school, my mother always greeted me in front of the door and she used to fix me some snacks. She would bake bread or cook some special dish while I was taking a rest in my room. From time to time, I asked my mom to get me something I want to eat for snack, and then she usually let me have that in a few days. In addition to the different ways of getting our snacks, both You-jung and I were not with one's mother on the performance day, in spite of the fact that both of us expected them to be present. You-jung's mother was busy with her office work, so mostly she was not able to attend her daughter's performance. You-jung felt discouraged because she couldn't show her mother how wonderfully she performed her role in the play. Moreover, she had to just watch the other students taking pictures with their parents. Whereas in most cases You-jung was not able to see her mother in the performance at school, my mother was present at most of my performances. I was so excited and happy on the day when I performed a role in the play, because I was eager to show off my acting to my mother. Furthermore, the most exciting thing to do was taking lots of pictures with my mother, holding flowers in full arms. Like this case of You-jung and I, the presence of a mother at home in one child's life can make the life of two children unlike.

As a result of the unlike attitude toward kids and the childhood with mother, it is likely that You-jung will be less distant from her own children than I from my children. Considering You-jung's affection for kids, You-jung will be likely to spare lots of time for her children and care for her sons and daughters intently. However, my dislike to kids makes it probable for me to let my children play by themselves rather than have fun with them together. For example, in a holiday, she might willingly visit Lotte World with her lovely kids. She would ride bumper car and lick ice cream with them happily. Unlikely, I would rather give them money and tell them to go outside and play with their friends. Along with the different degree of affection for children, the different memory of childhood with mother has much possibility to lead You-jung and me to be different in raising children. As You-jung played alone at home when young, feeling lonely, and I enjoyed my childhood at home playing with my mother, we came to have a different view of raising children in their childhood. You-jung realized that a child really needs his own parents care until he is grown up to be an adolescent. She thinks like this because she felt very lonely and became reserved in her childhood without a mother at home. On the other hand, I didn't realize and still don't understand in my bones the necessity of a mother's care for the young children. There was my mother at home all the time, so I hardly thought how it would be like if my mother was not at home and I had to spend the daytime alone. If we consider the different view of raising one's children between You-jung and I resulted from the attitude toward children and our mother's care, it might remind us of "the butterfly effect" that how a person's attitude toward one thing and experience develop into a considerably different dimension.

As we see above, You-jung and I are unlike in the love for children and in the mother's attention in childhood. These differences make me believe that there is more possibility that You-jung will have a closer relationship with her children than I. In the future, maybe she would call me to go out for buying children's clothes, while I might ask her to see a movie. Perhaps, we will have a long discussion about raising our children when we meet as mothers.